Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
