We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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