Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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