Will you blow on my dice?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
