It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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