i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
