So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
