Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
