we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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