they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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