he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
