so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
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His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize