I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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