Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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