Sponge bath it is.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
