You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
