STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
