Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize