I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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