Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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