My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
