My hand turned me down
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
