your parents love me but you hate me
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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