you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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