I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
