I wanna bring you to show and tell
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
