i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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