alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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