so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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