The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize