I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
