Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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