So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
