It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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