This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
