Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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