there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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