What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
