Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
