I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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