This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
