Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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