I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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