Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
