so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
