I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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