you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
