Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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