If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
