put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
