I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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