i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
