This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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