got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
