so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All I want is dick and wine.
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