y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
