oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
