the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
