You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
