Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
