Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
