so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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