They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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