trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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