Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
