News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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