I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
