can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
