I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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