My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
