Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
