The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
