so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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