I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
