ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
