After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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