I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
