the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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