Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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