lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
