I wanna passion pit in your ass
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
